I don't fuck with soccer

     Anyone who knows anything about me, knows my love of sports. I can sit in front of a television for hours on end, watching a round of golf on a goat ranch in New Mexico, played by paraplegics on Segways, and I have no idea why. Is it the competition of sports that's the draw for me? The human chess match that pits opposing teams against one another, with a clear winner being decided at the end of the contest, unlike life?  That's one of the main reasons for me, and the biggest reason why I don't fuck with soccer. How can you do something that expends as much energy as soccer does for 90 minutes, and end in a tie? That's insane! As much as I enjoy sports, I like sex more. And there's no way in hell I would have sex for 90 minutes and not expect something really good to happen at the end. 90 minutes after my sex game starts, I plan on having eaten a hot pocket, drank a glass of orange juice, and being asleep.
     I think one of the biggest draws in sports to me are the uniforms that the teams wear into battle. A great uniform is timeless, and can be as important to the team as the people wearing the uniform. Great uniforms evoke memories in the minds, and emotions in the hearts of the people who root for the team. So I got to thinking about my all-time favorite uniforms and tried to come up with my personal top ten. Shit was so hard to whittle down to just ten, and my honorable mentions would probably be considered some of the best in the history of North American sports. So, without any further ado, here are my favorite uniforms ever.
     Honorable Mentions: New York Yankees(pinstripes), UCLA Basketball(1970's), USC Football, Colorado Avalanche(original jerseys), Minnesota Timberwolves(original uniforms) Dallas Burn, 80's Lakers, and 80's Celtics.


10.Waco Wizards:

I'll be the first to admit that this is a bootleg ass jersey, for a bootleg ass team, from a bootleg ass town. But it was the first bootleg ass team, from my bootleg ass town, and it meant the world to me that Waco actually had a professional sports team. The logo itself is awesome though, even the if the image of a wizard in the middle of Texas KKK country was kind of janky.

9. Whatever The Fuck City They Play in Raiders

     The Silver and Black is football. Down and dirty, smashmouth, dogpiling, clotheslining, eyegouging, penalty stacking football. Football as it should be played, trench warfare on the grid iron. Too bad they suck ass, because these uniforms are some of the best in sports.

8.Springfield Indians

 

Snoop changed the jersey game with this one! I have no idea who or what the Springfield Indians are, but I wanted this sweater so frigging bad after I saw this video! I found one at the Eastmont Mall in Oakland in 1994, but they only had a size smedium. Fucked up my Christmas.

7. Winnipeg Jets

I just realized that 4 of my top ten favorite uniforms are hockey based, and for the life of me, I can't explain why I like this one so much. Maybe it's the simplicity of the designs, both new and old. But to be honest, I think just like the colors.

6. Chicago Blackhawks

I can explain my love for this one though. The Blackhawks were my gateway to hockey, being played on Superstation WGN. That made it possible for a person in Texas to watch hockey on a regular basis before the Stars got here. Add in the fact that my all time favorite player, Chris Chelios was American AND the Captain, and you get the only team outside of the DFW area that I ever root for. 

5. Texas Rangers

A lot of people I know HATE the powder blues. Not me, bro. This jersey= childhood summers in a second rate ballpark, sitting on hot ass tin bleachers, and watching a Busch league team waste everybody's time for a few hours a day. I wouldn't trade that for the world buddy.

4. 1992 Dream Team

The first and ONLY Dream Team, no matter what any Olympic team after them called themselves. Dominance personified. The only reason this isn't my top team is those diaper length shorts they wore.

3. New York Giants

Even though these are my #3 uniforms in all of sports, I refuse to say anything nice about them. But here's a picture of the last great Caucasian Cornerback for you to enjoy.

2. Dallas Mavericks

My first car was a '77 Cadillac Sedan Seville. That bitch didn't have any heat, we hooked up a doorbell to the horn relay, and I carried a small flashlight with me to see how fast I was going because I didn't have any dash lights. But I would grab a blanket in the winter and hit the highway to see my Mavs get demolished by teams on a regular basis. You could buy a $10 nosebleed seat, and by the third quarter have worked your way down to floor seats and security wouldn't say shit because no one was there. Some of the best times of my life.

1. Dallas Cowboys Thanksgiving Day

Take away the fact that it's the Cowboys. Any uni they wear will automatically be my favorite. What sets this one apart is the day they wear it on. Thanksgiving is the only day of the year that i'm pretty much guaranteed to see all of my family at some point, and everyone is together. That means more to me than anything sports bring to the table.

Until next time folks! Be easy!